Bentwater Roads: Pagan Birthdays

Lucky for some. I walked Trina to the train station early in the morning so she could get to her job in London on time. After what I thought was a postcard perfect farewell, bar the yob walking pass and yelling ‘get a room', I walked somewhat maudlin back to my digs and fell to bed, a little sad.

Only at midday did I finally raise myself from a deep, deep slumber; with odd dreams about being hung from the cross beams of an old cabin. I blogged, ate, showered, emailed my friend Matt about the details for us going to stay with him and Denise in their rented apartment in Barcelona (such a hard life) and emailed Dee Evans to thank her for coming to see our show and apologizing for not recognizing her in the audience afterwards and saying hello.

I had heard through the grapevine that a big show at The National that I had been dreaming about getting was finally casting. My agent called after I pushed her a little and the resulting phone call back to me was disappointing to say the least ‘they've cast it all'. Somehow I had stupidly allowed myself to believe I had the job before an audition or anything. Very silly.

An actor's life is not a particularly difficult one apart from battling the irrational feelings of rejection. When working, we don't work long hours, we are paid at phenomenal rates for the hours we work, there's no great risk of personal injury or liability: in short it's a very, very cushy job.

It's the searching for the work and applying but not being selected for auditions (job interviews basically), missing auditions for enormous jobs because of other commitments and worse of all not being picked for jobs time and time again (some actors who I would still call talented go for up to 40 different auditions before they get one job) that really wears down on the spirit. As much as you are told not to take it personally the ‘sorry we haven't picked you this time but we wish you all the best for your career' is still painful.

Every actor has highs and lows and one very prestigious actress I talked to last year (an oscar winner none the less) admitted that even now at the height of her fame she still stresses over where the next job will come from and she doesn't want to go on a long holiday for fear there will be no auditions for her when she returns. Absolutely crazy when you think she has the trophy to prove she's considered the best in her profession.

The best acting most actors do is their chipper smiles between jobs and upbeat attitude after failed auditions.

I don't ask you to pity us, I'm well aware we chose the profession and therefore we can choose to leave it, that we have the amazing highlights of audience applause, the thrill of performing to a live audience and being paid weekly wages for only doing 2 hours work a day, great vivacious company, the feel of a surrogate family and great parties but I guess what I wanted to share is that like all freelancers or contract workers we have a ball of a time when we are in work but we are constantly worried about where the next one is coming from and when.

Anyway I did a little shopping for Trina's birthday this Thursday and bought two large punnets of strawberries and two containers of vanilla yogurt and sat down to a feast at the Theatre waiting for the bus to Bentwaters. A little ego fluffing call from Trina and I was feeling happy again.

We arrived early at the base as Nadia and Mark needed sometime to adjust their skirmish to make sure it was perfectly safe and to try and stop them getting the terrible carpet burns that appear on their elbows (the two of them have matching plasters on the same elbows, it's very sweet).

Mark, James and I had a long shot competition with the basketball and the make shift hoop and then a very sweaty game of two on one in rotation. I think I was the one who fared best on his own but of course I would think that.

I had a very wobbly show, slipping up on lines, stumbling on deliveries and being a butterfingers in the second tower scene where I need to be doing three things at once at speed. So not a brilliant one for me but overall I think the show was another great success, everyone else sounded brilliant.  At the interval Jess produced a massive collection of cup cakes with bright pink, blue or yellow icing and two candles. We all sung happy birthday to Tabitha and James and devoured the cup cakes and ravaged the large chocolate cake sitting in the chorus' dressing room. The feedback after the show was as great as usual and Mark's two flatmates who had come all the way from London to see it seemed impressed, always a nice thing to see.

I grabbed the early ride home with Penny and sat down at the desk in my room to start creating little surprises for Trina's birthday. 

Fingers crossed she'll like them. For tomorrow the focus will be diction and clarity, no more faffed lines.